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Florida Sucks.

In “yet another reason to hate Florida” news, some wrinkly orange bags of flesh that claim to be human want to break off the south end of Florida and turn it into the 51st state.

TWO. F*CKING. FLORIDAS?  NO.  Just… no.  We can’t even with the one we’ve got and just.. no, no one wants ONE Florida.  It’s like that child star that was in one damn commercial as a baby for diapers and still desperately clings to the fame and glory it once had, but gets old and develops major drug problems and literally starts to go insane.  That’s Florida.

An article in The International Business Times stated: “Commissioners from the City of South Miami, a tiny suburb in Miami-Dade County, approved a resolution earlier this month that calls for dividing Florida into northern and southern chunks. The 24 counties that would comprise South Florida encompass about 40 percent of Florida’s land and are home to 13.4 million people, or about two-thirds of the state’s population.

“The creation of the 51st state, South Florida, is a necessity for the very survival of the entire southern region of the current state of Florida,” says the measure, which passed with a 3-2 vote on Oct. 7.”

All in the name of “climate change”.  If there’s ONE good thing about rising sea levels is the fact that FLORIDA WILL SINK.  Stop trying to save it.  Let it go… please.

Maybe we can make a proposal that Florida cedes from the nation.  Maybe we can just give it back to Spain – but I doubt it, since Spain has culture and 24 hour mega Wal-Marts and old men with beer bellies and three teeth just doesn’t seem to fit with the romantic images Spain conjures in one’s mind.

The article goes on to say: “With sea levels speculated to rise by 3 to 6 feet by the end of the century because of climate change, most of Florida’s southern tip could soon be under water, climate scientists have warned.”

Oh, PS – all of those stupid “#UpsideOfFlorida” has tags on social media NEED to stop.  Now.  There is no upside.  Get over it.

THANK GOD.  Good.  At least there is a silver lining to this horrific idea.

I will end this with a reminder:  NO ONE WANTS ONE, LET ALONE TWO GODDAMN FLORIDAS.  Enough with your stupidity – go catch some gators and grill them or something… or, better yet – go swim with the damn things.

 

 

 

 

Royce Christyn
About Royce Christyn (3467 Articles)
Documentarian, Writer, Producer, Director, Author.